So, you've heard the basics of my testimony. An angry lonely child coming to Christ, and that loneliness being lightened, that anger melting away. Maybe it's time you hear.. more of the story, how God used my illness to bring him glory.
At 15 I had a nervous breakdown after sleeping poorly for several months and then not sleeping for 72 hours.
At 18, it happened again. Now I was prescribed medicine from a psychiatrist. I think I had another at 21.
I had a very stressful situation around my 22nd year during the time surrounding my birthday.
I began to suspect that bipolar was not the correct diagnosis. Mom began to suspect bipolar was not the answer. My psychiatrist, I later found out, let me figure it out. I think he did thisbecause the stress of understanding my condition myself was much less than the stress of finding out from him or another health professional.
It was 11 years ago.. I realized I had some form of schizoid disorder. Stress made it worse to the point that at times in the past I had been hospitalized. The moving in of my step-father to our home. The stress of dorm life in college. The 2 week stay of an in-law that persecuted me every day. Really, a lot of it came from my step-dad and his family, but not all of it.
In February or March of 2014 after several months after graduation from college, I switched jobs from a meat associate as Walmart to what I thought was a computer trouble shooting technician job. My hiring manager had deceived me. They had actually hired me as a cashier and didn't tell me until two or three weeks later. I was having problems with my medicine at the time, and somehow I began to feel guilty for taking them. This last most recent episode was from that and trying to adjust my medicine myself. I learned the rather painful lesson that you take your medicine as prescribed no matter what.
So, it's beeen six years since my last episode. There have been a lot of struggles in my life. Are you still reading? Do you notice the coherence in the sentences? The linear narrative as opposed to manic thinking or word salad? God has healed me. It took almost a life time, and the healing is dependpent on my medicine, but that's a healing in my book.
I know of one other person with what I have that is functional. I actually am diagnosed with schizo-affective, a combination of bipolar symptoms with aspects of schizophrenia. With the help of my medicine, my support network, and my religion, I go to work, pay rent, bills, have a car, and have hope.
I'm telling you this for a few reasons: 1) Jesus can heal you of anything, but sometimes your illness, even though it's a shadow of what it was, is your cross, or at least part of it 2) the media lies about mental illness. 99% of us are not at all dangerous. The secular view should be that mental illness is an illness of the brain, which is just another organ, which can be treated so that a person can live a mostly normal life. Now, I'm not secular. I'm a bible believing Christian, so I have a more spiritual approach, but to me it's half and half: You take your meds, do all you can physically to alleviate your symptoms, and the other half is prayer, bible reading, and a relationship with Jesus Christ. Everyone suffers. But suffering that's not your fault will glorify God and bring others to Christ.
I'm not the norm. A lot of people who have what I have need constant supervision to eat, do personal hygiene, and take their meds. Those who are catatonic, I can tell you from experience, are dreaming. They are trapped in an interactive movie inside their own minds, a terrible ordeal. I don't know why I experience healing and others don't.
If God can heal me, he can heal you. You may walk with a limp. You may be disabled or handicapped in some way. God doesn't always heal, but he heals his Children ultimately at the resurrection of the just.
God enabled me to make it through hellish stays in mental hospitals, terrible insomnia, loss of friends and colleagues, and worse. This is my testimony. Because of the pain and grief, I can be more compassionate to others. Because of the perspective of having been sick, I can be more help to people who struggle with mental illness, be it depression, anxiety, bipolar, or even schizoid disorders.
Whatever you are going through, God can use your story to encourage others, to lead others to Himself. If I can get through life relying on the resurrection power of Jesus Christ, so can you. When you are a Christian, God holds on to you. He brings you through many trials and tribulations to Himself, but He also uses you to bring Him glory and bring others to Himself.
You may think your testimony isn't good, or impressive, or whatever. But I promise you, for some people? It will make them consider the claims of the bible and Christianity in a way not possible through other means.
"And they overcame him, through the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony,"
So share your testimony. You don't have to put it on Facebook. You don't have to tell everyone you see, but you need to share it. Share it with all your nonbelieving friends at least once. Share it at your church so other believers can be encouraged. Just share it.